Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
