He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I will pee on everything he values.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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