it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You need a sexual gate keeper
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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