The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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