She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You are a genius and a whore.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
