I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
