My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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