my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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