Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
