No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
