After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So. Much. Porn.
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