there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
