Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
