I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
