tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
