i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
