R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
