i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
