..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
