people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
