where does the pee come out of this thing
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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