I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
