I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
