i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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