And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
