ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
