And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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