why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
