You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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