Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
