he puts the penis in happiness.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
bring money and cleavage
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
