So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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