guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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