i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
