sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
