Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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