Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
