I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
