I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
