WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
