Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
