Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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