She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
