shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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