I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
