1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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