R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
