I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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