Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Randomize
