I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
