easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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