tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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